I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
