We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
