Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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