where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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