bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
