the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
