Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
