The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
