Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
