morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
