Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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