evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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