Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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