when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
