That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
