During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize