I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
