I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
