My room smells like vodka and shame
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There r osticjed everywhere
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
