How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
