I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
