sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
