pedialite and red bull = repair kit
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
