1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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