why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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