He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
