Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
