Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
