the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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