remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
