During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
