Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
