Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Enjoy the penises
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
