Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
