Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
COCAINE IS GR8
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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