i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
