My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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