that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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