I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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