You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize