I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize