That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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