Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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