I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
