I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
