i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I think my moral compass just broke
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