Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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