i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
