Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
