That's intense
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
