If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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