i was rollin on her like bob the builder
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
