I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize