Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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