and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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