There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
