oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
