This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
