My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Randomize
