May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
