Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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