is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
