I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
