We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
