There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
