I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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