I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
