I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
