I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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