I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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